Methodology of how Stress Develops
Its important to decipher what exactly is the root of stress. This can develop before a conversation even begins through over analyzing worst case scenarios that we play out in our minds, which ultimately becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. On the other hand, stress can develop from the moment that a casual conversation develops into a crucial conversation. How can we notice when the conversation shifts course? According to the book Crucial Conversations, we need to become vigilant analyzers; that is to say, be observant of nonverbals such as, body language and tone/pitch of voice (Patteron 16).
Sypmptoms of Stress
Silence and Violence
It has been defined that humans will resort to either of these practices to retain safety for themselves, in the face of immense stress.
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2. Violence consists of any verbal strategy that attempts to convince, control, or compel others to your point of view. It violates safety by trying to force meaning into the pool. Methods range from name-calling and monologuing to making threats. Including:
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"As I “Learned to Look” I replayed past incidents in my mind and realized where I had gone wrong. I realized that I paid no attention when interacting with others. I didn’t notice when they went to silence or violence. It was “my way or the highway,” and I would push until others went to silence, which to me signaled agreement."
The previous testament is from a man named Tom, in the text Crucial Conversations. His managers at his workplace sent him off to a convention to offer him the tools to improve in the way that he spoke with his colleagues. While conversing with coworkers at this convention, one of them had a crucial conversation with him that his colleagues viewed him as a competent individual but avoided him at all costs, for fear of him blowing up in their faces. Upon his return to work the managers called a meeting with him stating that unless he could change his ways and address his level of approachableness that they would have to let him go. He took the challenge and was able to retain his job (Patterson, 18).
Some of the strategies that Tom used were establishing empathy with his coworkers, which means that he would have to listen for once, instead of dominating the conversation. Additionally he asked himself:
Candor and respect are the attributes that Tom was now able to reap. That is that he was now capable to hold a conversation where others no longer had to question the motives that he had behind his interactions.
Unless there are motives for a change of heart, like in the case of Tom, sometimes there are people that we struggle having respect for. It's important to surface commonalities with that person instead of focusing more so on the differences. The book references a quote with unknown origins, in the form of a prayer, stating, "Lord, help me forgive those who sin differently than I" (Patterson 21)
If stressors stem from another individual, then acknowledging that they too are a human being, which makes mistakes just like the rest of us, we can deescalate some of the pressure.